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Do's & Dun'ts

This month's Viceland is a special Dos & Don'ts Issue. It's Viceland telling you how to behave, dress, smell, and exist. It's hilarious...and not just because with each point you can think of someone who is in direct guilt of that very point, but because you know that you yourself are guilty of just the same. It's awesome. Reading the gazillions of Viceland rules of life has sparked a conversation here in the office about our own personal Dos & Dun'ts here.

1. Dun't be an an overwinker. Winking is okay and if used properly and in moderation, it can be quite the charmer. People who wink too much discredit the whole idea of the wink. Instead it becomes a question of "is he/she trying to be cute? or do they just have a twitch in their eye?" The idea is to be cute. However, if you're a single man over the age of 40, who lives alone with a cat, consider it against the law. Think about it...you're just creepy.

2. Do lend a helping hand. If you're sitting at your desk picking your nose and you notice the guy you work with slaving away...oh, i don't know...at the copy machine...do go over to him and ask if he needs help. Now, in the same way...if you are the one in need of help, please feel free to ask for it. However...dun't think you can take advantage of the poor soul who helps you with your bitchwork. Divie it up, spread out the work...don't make one guy do 50 coffee runs. Hmmm.

3. Dun't make your business everybody else's business. If your workspace isn't exactly private, dun't go blaring your problems into the phone. I don't care if your plummer didn't arrive at your house late or that you've lost 60 pounds on some low carb diet shit. I dun't give a rat's ass. If you feel the absolute need to converse about such things, keep it at a 3 please.

4. Do play nice and small talk with people you interact with at work. Whether they are providing a service for you or just constantly around, it's nice to feel noticed and appreciated. On the other hand, dun't be too personal...for any hint of something personal may compel them to feel as though they are on a certain level with you...one you probably are not comfortable with.

5. Dun't "babe" anyone who you haven't established a relationship with. Period.

6. Do feel free to theme your days or weeks. It helps to keep things interesting and provides a kind of lightheartedness around the office. It's okay to add a little fun to your work atmosphere...as long as it does not interfere with your daily duties in any way. Right.

7. Dun't wear cologne or perfume in the office. For the most part, you shouldn't be sweatin' up a stink...we work in an office...so anything more than deodorant and a light body spray is too much. We don't need the whole hallway smelling like Drakkar Noir or some shit like that. Nobody likes a Pepe Lepieaux...or however the fuzz you spell it.

**Please note that this office guide is in no way a direct reflection of my office.

Posted by Mollie Gamo at August 18, 2004 04:31 PM | TrackBack