I am an ass. I know this. I don't deny it. I can be a complete asshole sometimes. And truth be told, I enjoy it. Sometimes, people just deserve it...you know what I mean? I bet yall can think of at least one time when being an ass to someone was just utterly satisfying. But there are different degrees of assholeness. Like, when I'm an ass to (cough)* or (sneeze)*, it's because she...or he...deserves it...yeah. But when I'm an ass to...say, Andrew...or Ed...it's for comical effect. It's the difference between being mean and being a punk. Punk is cool, mean is not.
Lately, I've been noticing myself to be a mean-ass. When I get annoyed, that is the kind of ass I become. I like to think of myself as a very tolerant person. Usually, I can deal with people's idiosyncrasies, their neuroses. But when I'm annoyed, I pick at those habits, those characteristics...and I rip 'em to shreds. (Wow, I just sounded really violent there...either that, or crazy.) Okay, I don't exactly rip them to shreds, but I overanalyze them and obssess over them. This is where being observant works against me. I'm very meticulous. I pay attention to the little things...I watch them carefully. So...for instance...when I'm constantly around someone who annoys me, the person's little quirks seem eccentuated and I pick up on them really easily...eventually leading me to mimic the person...and that's just mean. Ask me sometime and I can do some pretty damn good impressions. You should see me do (cough)*...I think I have (cough)* down to a tee. I realize I'm being extremely vague right now...but it's a must. I can't exacly post everything I want to say on the internet...then I'd be a fuzzing-ass.
Being a punk-ass can be kind of fun. Instead of intentionally trying to hurt others, you're just laying the truth out on the line...think an ass without tact. That's what a punk-ass is. Sometimes it's funny to be tactless...but you gotta watch out because depending on the matter, that sense of no tact can quickly become just plain mean. Teasing is another form of displaying punk-assness. Constantly teasing my Super Intern for gawking at Tobey Maguire was a punk-ass move...he really didn't mean any awkwardness. He couldn't help but be in awe...I mean, it was Spiderman. My Super Intern caused no harm, but it's fun to tease him anyways.
Then there is the clueless-ass. This is the ass who basically suffers from FIMS. He or she doesn't mean any harm, but in just saying what they're thinking, they become an ass...a clueless-ass, if you will. Guy A goes over to Guy B in my office and basically makes fun of his sunglasses. Guy A, didn't mean anything by it...he thought Guy B was wearing them to be funny. He wasn't. Guy A was a clueless-ass. But you know what? It was funny...I laughed...I'm still laughing.
Huzzah for assholes. The end.
*I protect the identity of these people to...well, to cover my ass, basically. As big of a prick that I can be, they're clueless...making it all the more fun. Muahahaha!
Man, I got a lot of ass in this entry. I apologize for the public display. Ha!
Posted by Mollie Gamo at August 31, 2004 02:55 PM | TrackBack