Thanksgiving is next week. Every year, at about this time, I start to get a little bit of that dreaded feeling. Don't get me wrong though...I mean, I like the holidays. It's just that sometimes they can get a little overwhelming...for many reasons: scheduling, holiday shopping, tying up loose ends, family gatherings, reflecting on life. I just get so flighty. You all know what I mean. It's the end of the year and you look back at all that has taken place. Now, 2005 has been wonderful for me...the best year of my life by far. But I still can't help but feel a little dread. I guess it doesn't really have anything to do with this year in particular, but (dan) rather just my usual insecurities, drama, neuroticness. I.e...What am I doing with my life; Do I spend enough time doing the things I want to/should be doing; What is most important to me in life. This time of year always makes me reflect on such things.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm 7 years old again...like that time we had a Halloween Party at the house. It was mostly Myleen's friends that came, but I had one friend over...Erin. I remember she was dressed as a pirate. Haha. She was so cute (back then, not now...haha...jk). I don't remember what my costume was...maybe a princess? Anyhow, we had a guess-how-many-jelly-beans-are-in-the-jar game and I had found out what the number was. I ran and told Erin so that she would win. Well, she put the number down and sure enough she was in the running to win. But someone knew that I had told Erin and that I cheated. We got in trouble and were disqualified. Gosh, that was an awful feeling...knowing I had cheated and disappointed people. Lately I've been having similar feelings. The type where you know you have to face something or deal with something, but you just wish you didn't and could just ignore it...like it wasn't even an issue. I guess when it all boils down to it, I wish life just wasn't so hard.
Wow. This is a pretty depressing entry...I admit. Sorry...don't mean to bring the house down. Will think of something better to write about next.